Home
by EmilyRoseKeys
Summary: "She had made it through her shooting. She could solve this case." Based on the promo for Kill Shot. COMPLETE.
1. Home

Hello everybody! It's been a reaaaaaally long time since I've written anything, but I just couldn't pass up the amazing-ness that is going to be Kill shot! I guess the promo just inspired me! So here's my take on the episode, that will be proven wrong in two weeks (TWO WEEKS) I haven't read any pre-ep on Kill shot, so sorry if we had the same idea, totally involuntary and no plagiarism involved!

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my sore throat after I yelled at my computer so much after watching the promo.

XXX

The bottle of whisky and the glass she kept refilling were on the coffee table. She was off the case because the Captain thought she couldn't take it. She knew she could solve it. True, she had frozen on her first day back. But it was her _first day back_. She had made it through. She could solve this case. But going rogue wasn't going to help her this time. The boys didn't want to give her any information. Even Castle was doing all he could to keep her from investigating. They could solve it together if he would just

A shot reverberated throughout her apartment. She cried out and took cover behind her couch, knocking over the coffee table, spilling the bottle and the glass at the same time. She closed the blinds and stayed on the floor. The shooter was back and was trying to kill her. He was at her front door now. Yelling her name. "Beckett. Kate." Repeating "Kate" over and over. The panic rose in her chest, tears streaming down her face. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't do anything. She could see everything more clearly but couldn't think of any weapon to defend herself. Just the idea of using her gun made her trouble breathing worse. He was trying to kill her. He was even threatening to knock down her door if she didn't open it. Did he really think she was going to let him inside? She crawled to her bathroom, staying hidden from the windows. She heard the shot destroying the doorjamb. He was coming for her.

She could hear him calling her name over and over. But why was he sounding so worried? She had nowhere to go. She couldn't escape. She had nothing to defend herself with. She felt her limbs go numb. She was going to die in her apartment, in her bathroom. There would be no one to keep pressure on her wound. No one to keep her from slipping into sweet oblivion. No one to tell her to stay because he loved her. No deep worried voice in the ambulance just before she felt herself letting go. He was at her door now. Still repeating her name. The doorknob turned.

But he had no rifle, not even a gun. He was tall but he knelt down to the floor. "Oh my God, Kate," he said in a soft tone. She thought she recognized that voice. Could she know the sniper? "Kate, look at me! Kate, it's me." Finally, her eyes found their focus and colours went back to normal. What was Castle doing here? Was the sniper gone? She would have asked if she could just. Stop. Shaking. Her heart was still beating so fast she feared it might just stop. Why wasn't he worried? The sniper couldn't be that far. But Castle seemed calm and was showing her how to breathe. She mimicked him and gradually her heart and her shaking slowed down. When he took her in his arms, he almost crushed her. She was still taking deep breaths but she could feel his shallow ones in the crook of her neck where he had his face.

After some time, he relinquished his hold on her and looked at her, his hands framing her face. "What happened?" he asked worriedly. "A shot was fired, the sniper was coming for me, didn't you see him?" she answered. He searched her face, not understanding. "Kate, there was nobody in your apartment. No shot was fired. I was in my car just below your window. But there was an ambulance that drove by just a few seconds before you closed your blinds. That's why I came up, I got worried. I heard you crying through the door but you wouldn't open it. The super agreed to open it for me." That wasn't possible, Kate thought. There had to have been someone in her apartment. Unless…

"Kate, I think the ambulance in addition with the sniper case triggered a panic attack." Finally, finally, the fog lifted. Unless… her PTSD decided to act up. She was so embarrassed. She must have made such a fool of herself thinking Castle was the one attacking her… Like he would ever hurt her. She then realized they were still sitting on her bathroom floor and the tiles were really cold. She made a move to get up but her legs couldn't support her very well. Understanding what she was trying to do, Castle got up and helped her stand and stay up.

Supporting her by holding one of her hand and having one arm around her waist, he guided her to one of her armchairs to avoid the broken glass and the alcohol on the floor. He would clean it up later. She seemed to be getting better with each passing second. She was still wringing her hands but she had stopped shaking. He knelt down in front of her. "Pack a bag and go home with me." It was a testament both to her state and to how far they had come since her previous apartment had exploded that she accepted without putting up a fight and went to her bedroom to start packing. She was exhausted and the panic attack had taken everything out of her.

She opened her closet to grab a bag. She filled it with some underwear, some shirts and some jeans. She didn't know how long she would be gone. God, she felt so ashamed of herself… But Castle didn't seem to find her ridiculous, he seemed genuinely worried. She must have really freaked him out.

When she got back to the living room, she realized Castle had cleaned up her mess and thanked him. They made their way to the front door and she took his hand both to comfort herself and to reassure him that she was okay. Okay, so she wasn't doing as well as she thought and she probably wouldn't be fine for a while. But in time, she would get there.

XXX

Thank you for reading, we wish you a nice day. If you would be so kind to leave a review on your way out, that would be fantastic, thank you!


	2. Warmth

_It's me again! __First, thank you so much for everybody who put this story on their favourites' list or put it on alert, it means a lot that you liked it. Leave me a review to tell what you liked or didn't like about it!_

_Here's the second part. I can't promise a date for the third part but I'll post it soon. No plan to go further than 3 parts since I don't really know where I'm going with that and I don't want to leave this story incomplete because I couldn't think of anything. I don't exclude continuing if inspiration strikes but I have a tendency of not completing my stories._

_Disclaimer: I still own nothing but I can't think of a creative and/or amusing way of saying it._

XXX

It had been a difficult year between the dirty bomb, Lockwood, Montgomery, her shooting and the bank robbery. Castle didn't know how long there would be able to go on like this. It had been so much fun in the beginning, but the rollercoaster they were on seemed to be never-ending. Kate had been on a downward spiral for a long time. He had thought he could keep her head above water but only she could do that.

Going home with him was a step forward though: she admitted she wasn't fine and was allowing him to help her. He wasn't going to keep her on her feet alone, she had to be the one to do that, she had to keep herself up. That didn't mean he couldn't help her when her legs were a little wobbly.

He would set her up in the guest room so she could have some independence: he knew how much Kate valued that. She was now sitting on the couch while he was in the kitchen preparing hot chocolate. She looked exhausted and so small and quiet. She wasn't a big talker, he knew that, but she wasn't quiet. Everybody noticed her in a room even if she hated that. So to see her trying to disappear among the cushions was disarming at best.

He made his way to the living room and put the mugs on the coffee table. She looked terrified, taking everything in as if the most insignificant item in the room could be used as a weapon against her. He sat down next to her and gave her the mug filled with hot chocolate. She took it with both hands let it warm her. Her curls were hiding her pale face. That made for a change. For the last months she had always had her hair in a ponytail or a bun or anything really that left her forehead and her eyes bare. Now it seemed she was curling up on herself. He didn't really know what to do to help her. He wanted so badly to gather her in his arms but he was terrified of frightening her so much she wouldn't ever get out of her shell again.

She took a sip from her mug and closed her eyes when the comforting liquid slid down her throat. His breathing got easier when he saw her get more comfortable, settling further in the couch until her back rested against it. Once she finished her chocolate, she put the mug back on the coffee table and looked up at Castle. She had a small smile that warmed his heart and the knot in his throat lessened as he smiled back.

When they had got back from her apartment and while he had been preparing their drinks, everything had been silent. The quiet had been uncomfortable. Now it was restful. So it was reluctantly that he broke it. "Do you want to get some rest? I can set you up in the guest room if you want to sleep." His voice was low so as not to disturb the calm surrounding them. "No, it's okay, Castle, I'll stay here for a bit if you don't mind. I don't really feel like being alone right now." She chuckled deprecatingly. He made a move to take her hand but stopped just shy of touching it. She saw his movement and took his hand.

Kate realized it was very uncharacteristic for her to look for that kind of contact with him. But she was scared, unsettled and she knew he would give her anything she needed. At that moment, that meant just holding hands to reassure themselves that she was safe. She squeezed his hand and looked up. Castle seemed so relieved, as if he never thought she would be there. The last time she had seen that look had been at the hospital just after her shooting when he had come to visit her. Just before she shot him down by pretending she remembered nothing that had happened that day. She guessed that had been the way she had looked when she had found him in the vault at the bank.

The whole time, he had been sitting sideways so he could face her, looking as if he was absorbing every movement she made. She pulled a bit on his hand and on his arm to get him to move closer. He came willingly to sit right beside her. He put their hands on his thigh and she rested her head on his shoulder. They both breathed a soft sigh when he put his cheek on the top of her head. They were safe.

XXX

They stayed in that position for quite a while, both resting and drinking each other's presence in. They made a bit of small talk to distract themselves. Castle tried to broach subtly the subject of what had happened only a couple of hours earlier. Except that it was the kind of thing that was difficult to talk about delicately. He wanted her to be comfortable but he really needed to know what had happened, how often she got these panic attacks, if he could do something, _anything_, to help her. He couldn't stand there watching her suffer through this without doing anything.

"Kate… Don't answer this if you don't want to but what did you see earlier at your apartment? Were you back at the cemetery?" He heard her catch her breath. "Forget it, don't answer that, I just…" She squeezed his hand. "It's okay, Castle, I just need a second." She took a deep, steadying breath and began. "I remember bits of that day. I remember leaving my apartment. I remember talking about the Captain. I remember you being there, next to me. The rest is a bit… fuzzy." Somehow he doubted that, but it wasn't really the moment to accuse her of lying to him.

"You know I see the police therapist," - he nodded - "I was diagnosed with PTSD." They were still in the same position, her head on his shoulder and his cheek on her head. She felt him nod but it was easier to get this out without having to face him. "It usually manifests itself in nightmares but panic attacks happen sometimes, depending on the case and the amount of stress." She knew she sounded clinical in the way she was talking about what she was going through but it was easier for her to distance herself from it to avoid breaking down completely in front of him. She trusted him, no doubt about that. She didn't trust herself.

"Earlier… Earlier, the Captain's funeral got mixed up with the sniper case. I knew I was at my apartment but everything I remember from after I got shot replayed in my head. This time I knew I was going to die. There would be nobody to beg me to stay alive…" At that, he lifted his head and turned to her. He didn't want to confront her so soon after her panic attack but that was too big of a deal. "So you admit it, you remember what happened then. When you were lying on the grass." He was trying to stay calm but the pretending had to stop. He needed to hear the truth. "Castle, I…"

She wanted so badly to lie and go on like they had for the last few months. But she also knew she needed to tell the truth. They needed to deal with this so they could move forward. "You're right, I remember. When you came to visit me at the hospital, I was still with Josh. You looked so hopeful. I thought it would be better for everyone if you believed I didn't remember anything. I needed to end things with Josh but I wasn't ready for a relationship with you. But you know I want it right? This relationship with you? I just needed to get my life in order so we could make it work…"

Now she was scared. Would he forgive her for keeping such a big secret from him? But even if she felt weak at that moment, she could deal with his anger. It was too important.

XXX

_To be continued… _

_Okay, so this is a bit longer than the first chapter. Rick wanted to talk at first but Kate kind of took over in the middle. She needed to get this out, I guess! _

_It's hard for me to write angst because I'm more of a romance kinda girl, so I desperately miss fluffy bunnies, rainbows and sunshine… Leave a review to brighten my day? Especially if you put it on your __favourites'__ list or on alert! _


	3. Time

_Hello everybody, I'm posting before Monday as promised. Here's the third chapter, the fourth and hopefully last chapter should posted by the middle of the week!_

_Disclaimer: Still own nothing!_

XXX

"No, Kate, you did it for yourself, because you got scared of what it could mean for us. You shut me out like you had two days earlier when you kicked me out of your life. You got scared by the truth because you realised that I knew you and that you couldn't lie to me about that." He needed to remind himself to stay calm. Their dirty laundry could not end up in a yelling match. They had already tried that, look at how _that_ had turned out.

"Do you realise what it did to me? I thought you hated me since it was my fault you got shot. You died because of me, Kate. You flat-lined twice. I hated myself so much. When you didn't want to talk to me, I thought you were blaming me too. You never said anything to make me think otherwise." He had needed her to say it wasn't his fault. He hadn't believed his mother but hearing Kate say it... Didn't she understand that he lived with that guilt every day? That it nearly killed him every time her scar hurt her, knowing that he was responsible for every time she panicked at the smallest sound?

"What... Castle, what are you talking about? It wasn't your fault I got shot. The sniper did this. _They_ did this..." She sounded so convinced by what she was saying but she had to understand where he was coming from. "But it was my fault you reopened your mom's case. I put you in the line of fire. And I can't even find the sniper that did this to you..." She realised what he had said when she saw the guilty look on his face. He seemed horrified by his words.

"What do you mean you can't find him? Have you been _looking for him_? What else have you been hiding from me? Did you make any progress on my mom's case?" She shot her questions in rapid fire, looking angrier by the second. She seemed more interested by what he had found out than by the fact that he had lied to her. Knowing how much she valued the truth, it was very unsettling.

"I investigated your shooting. I couldn't stand to know he was out there, free to try and kill you again," he replied fiercely. "But you asked me not to investigate my mother's murder, I could have helped you!" she shot back instantly. "You don't understand! They will kill you if you touch your mom's case again, Kate! I can't let you do that. You can't die because you want closure, I would never get over it. I can say it now, I love you, you can't leave me because of your mom's murder!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" she seemed so confused... "I was investigating your shooting. A man called me. I don't know who he was but he told me that the men who tried to kill you would try again if you kept going. That's why I tried to keep you away from the case. They would finish the job this time. I couldn't let that happen!"

"So you _lied_ to me?" Okay, maybe she cared about the lying. "I did it to protect you! They will kill you, Kate! Please don't ask me to live without you... I won't survive it. I mean, do you even care about your own life?"

"I don't _care_ about my life? I'm _fighting_ for my life! Those months I spent at my dad's cabin, I spent them trying to get better! I see the police therapist to get better. I want to solve my mom's case so we can have everything! I'm fighting to have a life, to make a life for us, Castle! I can't go into this relationship knowing I can't give you everything. You've given me so much in the last three years, the only way to repay you is to be ready for this."

"Don't you realise what _you_ have given_ me_? I started to write again the second I got home after that first case. I had been writing for a long time because of a deadline and not because I had something to write about. When I look at you, I have feelings, sentences, entire scenes playing out in my head. I had never experienced that before, Kate. And you gave me a purpose. I needed to have a reason to get up in the morning. Alexis is my main reason but I needed this for me. I needed real and your job is real. And this thing between us, this is it. It doesn't get more real than this."

"I... My God, Castle, how do you want me to answer _that_?" She was overwhelmed. So many misunderstandings had given her the impression that they both lacked words when it came to them. It seemed like she'd been wrong.

"Don't answer. I can give you time. For this or for your case. You know I can. As long as you promise it's not gonna be three months without hearing from you." He needed the reassurance that she wouldn't leave him hanging for nothing. "I see what you did there, Castle, very funny, haha." Well, if they could joke about it...

"Alright, I promise. Promise me you'll tell me all you found out about my mom's case and about my shooting." And she needed the reassurance that he would stop hiding things from her. She could forgive many things but that wasn't one of them.

"You know I can't promise you that, Kate. If it's ever safe for you to know, I promise I _will_ tell you everything. I know you grew up thinking the truth was always the best way to handle a situation but in this case, I'm sure some things are better kept secret until we bring them down. And I will do anything in my power to keep you safe." He had said that with so much conviction she could only believe him. She would have to wait and trust him, both with her life and with her heart. She just couldn't say which would be the most difficult to hand over to him for protection.

XXX

_Thank you so much for reading, and thank you to those who reviewed, it means everything! To those who put it in their favourites or on story alert, please, please, please review! _


	4. Beginning

_Hello! Here's the last chapter. My angsty mood left me while writing this story, so here's some fluff instead! Thanks to everybody who took the time to review, it means everything. Please don't put it in your __favourites__ without reviewing!_

_Disclaimer: Nope, still nothing, but Christmas is in a month, so if somebody is feeling generous…_

XXX

As much as it had been painful, the conversation had really done wonders for them. It had proved to be a nice distraction from the sniper and from her subsequent panic attack. Plus, with their secrets out, they seemed to be more comfortable with each other. Nonetheless, it had been draining so Kate decided to take a shower. When she got back from the bathroom, she found him in his office. He was looking out the window from the chair behind his desk. She sat down in one of the armchairs opposite him. Where did they go from there?

XXX

As it turned out, they didn't have to wait long before the boys found a lead and caught the sniper. She was furious that they kept her out of it: her shooter hadn't been caught, she needed some justice. And some guy targeting innocent people was perfect for that. When Ryan had called Castle to let him know the shooter had confessed, she had seen all the worry and the fear drain out of the writer's face. They went to the 12th because Gates needed her paperwork from the beginning of the case (before she was kicked out) to transfer it to the DA as soon as possible. It was already a media circus; they couldn't afford to let him walk away on a technicality.

While she was filling her paperwork, Castle sat in his chair, observing her closely. It would have been unnerving if it wasn't for how he had found her in her apartment the day before. She understood he was worried. Hell, after the bank robbery, she had done anything she could to keep him close, not letting him out if sight, even touching him more than usual. They _had _become more tactile in the last few weeks. That hadn't been hard considering they hardly ever touched before that. Well, except for the kiss…

XXX

When they got home that night – early – the atmosphere felt purer. Since they had talked about so much important stuff, their conversations were more relaxed. Well, there was also the fact that the sniper had been caught… After dinner, they decided to relocate to his office. He was already in his chair when she came into the room.

He looked lost in thought, but not worried. After what they had been through in the last few days, she was relieved to see him like this. She finally sat down opposite him and when she looked up at him, she saw a relieved smile on his face, as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He looked younger than he had in a while and she might even say carefree. The sniper had been caught, everybody they knew was safe and they were both okay. After the week they had just had, that was all they needed.

"So… I was planning on going home tomorrow," she said innocently. "Thank you for letting me stay here but I can't impose any longer." He looked confused. "Kate, you can stay here as long as you want, and I'll say it as many times as I need to to make you understand that this is your home. You're welcome here anytime and for as long as you want." He sounded sincere. It made her blush and she looked away. "Thank you, Castle." His voice was steady when he answered, "I mean it, Kate. Anytime."

They looked at each other, a smile on their faces. They'd be okay. She was still quieter than usual but she was already getting better and even though he was still worried about her, he knew they would get through this together. They had something to look forward to and they just couldn't wait for it to happen.

XXX

The next morning, after breakfast, she stood at the door with her bag in hand. Time to go back to her apartment. After a hug from Martha and Alexis, only Castle was left to say goodbye to. It wasn't even a real goodbye: they would see each other on Monday when she went back to the precinct. Nonetheless, the last few days had been trying and it was bit unsettling to know that she was going back to her empty apartment for the next four days.

"So..." They both looked uncomfortable. They had to admit the situation was weird. They had said goodbye before: after the first Nikki Heat and before the second. Still, they didn't like it. "Yeah..." They chuckled. They didn't really know what to do with themselves. Finally, Castle moved, taking her bag and putting it on the floor. His fingers touched her arm delicately on the way down in a gesture that was more comforting than romantic.

It was naturally that he pulled her into his arms for a hug. It really contrasted with the way he had hugged her when he had found her in her bathroom. There was nothing desperate about it this time, even if they didn't want to let go. She sighed against his neck and he kissed her temple. Okay, so maybe it _was_ romantic after all.

They stayed in that position for a few more moments, breathing in the other as much as possible before letting go. Their eyes met, her smile shy and his face soft. She picked up her bag again while he opened the door and with one final look, she was gone. They still believed it: it _was_ enough.

For now.

XXX

_Okay! Short chapter, but I thought I needed to tie some things up. That, and I needed some fluff. I haven't watched any of the sneak peeks for Kill Shot, and this will all be irrelevant on Monday anyway (is it Monday yet?) but this did wonders for my impatient shipper heart! Don't forget to review on your way out!_


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